There’s something to be said about the connected nature of the world today. We’re able to see into the lives of our family and friends, even when separated. We’re able to keep tabs on people for long periods of time - even people we shouldn’t be keeping tabs on. It allows us to look into the lives of people we’d never have access to even twenty years ago. Its amazing that normal people can interact with Elon or Jeff on Twitter. We get to see what they are thinking and doing, whether good or bad. It shows us what’s possible. We’re able to see people completely transform their lives for the better. And that gives a lot of people hope to push on. To try new things. To take risks. But I think there’s a dark side to all of this. And its centered around what I think is a growing sense of loneliness for a world that is supposed to be constantly connected and interacting. This hope, created by seeing random cases of success - and I use the word ‘random’ very purposefully - is creating a state of discontent to this generation. A generation that has been brought up in what is the equivalent of a cocaine-level dopamine environment, where everything can - and in this generations’ opinion, should - be gotten at the flick of the thumb. We aim for the extraordinary without realizing that most likely than not (and I’m sorry for bursting your bubble here) we’re destined to be ordinary. Warning though: this is going to be a bleak one.
Average
Average. Its a term people seem averse to these days. We try and run away from it. As hard as we can. We put tremendous amount of energy to not be close to it. We work our asses off, so that we can afford the above average stuff. We dress well, so that we don’t look like the average Joe. Average is invisible. And no one wants to be invisible. Not in this world of hyper visibility. Not in the world of social media, where everyone thinks they have a worthwhile opinion, and everyone thinks they have the right to be heard. But thing is, statistically speaking, for everything you can think of, there will always be an average. Whether that be wealth and possessions, happiness, number of children. You name it. There’s an average for it. A state around which everything settles. In chaos theory, its called an attractor. If we, for example, push everyone’s wealth up, the average will go up with it. You will be wealthier in absolute terms, but comparatively, your in the same place. You’re running as fast as possible, to stay in the same place.
Regression To The Mean
The world we live in today doesn’t seem to reward average. It only seems to care about the extra-ordinary (maybe it always has, and I’m complaining about a non-issue here). Look around the manosphere and you’ll here stuff like ‘the high value man,’ and ‘sigma/alpha male status.’ And we go after it without realizing that this kinds of people are about 1% of the population. That’s a really small subset of people. And our assumption is that they worked their way to their positions. Most likely than not, these guys were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Those who worked their way to that top 1% are probably 1% (of that population, or .01%). And you have to attribute a huge amount of luck to them actually getting there. There’s a very high probability that you work your ass off and never get within touching distance. And getting there - on the off chance that you do - requires a huge amount of sacrifice, especially if you don’t have a silver spoon in your mouth. It requires that you put your head down and work. Mohammed Ali is famous for saying that if you can avoid the clubs and the parties and the girls, and be home at 9 by yourself, you’ll succeed. That’s a mostly lonely life. By the time you get to where you want to be, you’re Leonardo DiCaprio, always looking for the next pretty young thing to kill time with. He’s never alone, but he sure as hell seems lonely to me.
Wrong Side of Average
And then there’s the other side of the coin - the ladies - who want a high value man. That same 1% I’ve been talking about. But again, for a man to be there at our young age, he has to have a silver spoon in his mouth. If he doesn’t, then more likely than not, he’s old. Probably already with a family. And that high value man that you want? He wants a woman that’s in the 1%. And as the number indicates, most of us are not in that subset of people. You keep on waiting for this man, a man who might never show up, while ruining relationships with people who care. So that leaves 99% of both men and women being relatively over looked. This 99% of men and women are bound to settle with each other. To lead an ordinary, average life. The one thing that group of people has been running from. And that is a hotbed of resentment. Where we subordinate responsibilities to whoever is more willing to do them. Because what’s the point. Where mum raises the kids when dad can’t. Where dad raises the kids when mom can’t. Where grandma raises the kids when both mum and dad can’t. Where the state raises the kids if grandma can’t. And the streets raise those kids when the state can’t.
The Climb Back
We see this hopeless situation - the struggle for extra-ordinary - occurring everywhere around us. We feel its insidious presence seeping into our souls. Its in us working Monday to Friday, drinking over the weekend, and starting the cycle again. You hate your job. But you’ll work at it for the off chance of success - whatever that looks like to you. And you soon realize that the little level of extra-ordinary you’ve achieved in your life has a cost. And because you can’t go back to ordinary, you keep slaving away. You soon realize that you’ll spend most of your adult life not with your wife. Not with your kids. But with your colleagues. You realize that you know more about that desk mate at work than you do your kids. Than you do your wife. Why do you think workplace affairs exist? But what does that mean for a generation that is always switching jobs, and therefore can’t form any long-lasting relationships. What does that mean for a generation that conflates social media for an actual interaction. This system doesn’t allow for meaningful connection. Just fleeting moments. We are lonely, even as we have people around us. People laugh together, but if you take a moment to look at their eyes as they do, you realize there’s nothing there. As J. Cole says, ‘most of these people will hang themselves. Just give them a rope and see.’